他用那双深邃的灰蓝色眼睛认真地盯着我，“So tell me Wen

did you have sex?”

为了保持我画作的感觉，我的老师坚决禁止我跟任何人发生关系，他说这会改变我画作的感觉，很多年轻的有天赋的画家都会努力保持现状，不做爱也是其中一件事，这一切都是为了维持自己画作的感觉。

老师一直都很怕我会忍不住去尝禁果，但我真的没有。

我摇了摇头，叹息道，“No

Raphael. It’s not like that. It is something else.”

Raphael眉心微簇，“Explain to me Wen. You are blessed with this gift to create such beautiful drawings. For all those times

? 如?您?访?问?的?W?a?n?g?阯?F?a?布?Y?e?不?是?i???ù???ε?n????????⑤???c?????则?为?屾?寨?佔?点

you’ve taken it for granted and I don’t blame you. You are truly a genius but still

you should take it more seriously

especially now. Are you aware how many good painters lost their talents just because some random things happened to them? When the feeling’s gone

it may go forever.”

我当然知道这种感觉消失了有可能再也回不来。虽然我现在在画坛顺风顺水，但如果我真的再也画不出来这样的作品，很快我就会像一抹尘埃被碾碎在历史的车轮下。

“It’s Ye. He was engaged with a girl yesterday. I guess it somehow broke my heart. I don’t want to be like this. It’s just … I don’t know what to do Raphael.”

我不想把这件事说得很严重，但我确实对此毫无办法。上周提交的画作明明画法跟之前一样，取景也并无特别，但不要说老师，我自己都能感觉到以前的那种生命力彻底消失了。

所有的油彩干涸在帆布上，僵硬刻板得令我无地自容。

老师多少知道一点我和容冶的事，他没有问过，但单是看我曾经的画就知道我对他的感情。画作就像画家的日记，普通人用笔记日记，而我们用帆布和颜料。

Raphael的手落在我肩上，不轻不重地捏了一下，他的声音平缓却充满力量，“You have two options. One is to change the way you draw. Go for the current feelings you have. It may be negative but still will have some people appreciate your work. But I don’t recommend this. The energy you had in the past was priceless and I hope you can retrieve it. So the second option is to fix yourself. If he doesn’t suit you anymore

you're gonna find another man who can provide you the same happiness. For a painter

you paint you